take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't deserve a penis
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
