All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
