Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Are we still banned from the library?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
