I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
