All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
