Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
