Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
