This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
