if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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