morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
