you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
