You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
