i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
