Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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