I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
