Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
