I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
