This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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