I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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