i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
