You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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