textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
