The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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