I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
