we're blogging at a bar
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
