I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
