I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
