I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
