we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need help removing her.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
