Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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