I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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