From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
