she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
