I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
