who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
