dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
