I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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