I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
