with your own penis?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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