i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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