Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
