Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
