You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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