I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
