I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
