I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
