1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
