Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
