Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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