im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
