Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
